A Nihilist Who Cares

…and then I remembered a promise I made.

The past year has been one full of unexpected events my life and those around me. Particularly in the area of relationships.

My brother got married. Another brother got engaged. I’ve witnessed people - both in the hub and the periphery - within my circle of friends begin, advance or end relationships. And me? I finally found - and lost - something I thought special and worthwhile. Bad timing she said. She was damage by the past. Abusive men ruin relationships for nice men (if I can be so bold as to call myself a nice man). Heartbreak is a contagion. But that’s a topic for another time.

For now, I want to talk about something else that happened to me. I was asked to officiate the wedding of two of my good friends (who adore each other), T and E. It came out of the blue. T brought it up quite casually, as she is wont to do. Of course I was honoured (and not at all casual about it). And of course I said yes. I promised them a speech. I have to capture, in words, what their marriage means to them (and their friends and family) and what they mean to each other. I didn’t know I so close with either of them. But both? Amazing. I suppose, in retrospect, that there was no way I could have known, for is there ever a clear tell that you’re close enough to someone to marry them off?

To link with my previous aside, I was also (and still am) worried. How am I in any way an authority to hold such an honour and perform such a task? I have only ever had a taste of what T and E live now. I’ve been the solid rock for many a friend who needed some support with relationship issues, while I myself could only float, having little grounding on the matter myself. Little foundation for a big rock may lead to a fall, I would warn those seeking my advice. What I know of love is largely built on what I’ve witnessed of those in love.

But maybe that’s what I need to focus on for my speech. Maybe that’s what those of us who aren’t part of the lucky few to be madly in love, or have only had a taste of it, need to focus on. Look to those who have it. They are asperational. I want that. I want what they have. Perhaps I won’t have it again, but it’s nice to know it exists. And it’s worth celebrating.

Or maybe I just need to find a girlfriend. Living vicariously is all well and good, but nothing beats personal experience, does it? A potential New Year’s Resolution? No, maybe not - you just can’t force these things. I think my New Year’s Resolution is to be more appreciative of - and to - those people in my life who teach so well through example. A nice, concrete way to contribute to this will be to write (and deliver) the best speech I can for T and E.