A Nihilist Who Cares

Because there’s no day of flowers or chocolates for them

The ancient Greeks distinguished four different types of love: eros, philia, storge, and agape. Eros is the type of love celebrated today, Valentine’s day. Assuredly this form of love has its benefits and brings its joys, it’s also the type of love that most directly connects to our genetic urge to reproduce.

I am here to celebrate the other three.

First there is agape. This is the type of general affection and unconditional love one has for another or even an activity.   It can be the kind of “true love” that one has for a spouse or children or pets or favourite sport.

Then there is storge. It literally means “affection” or familial love, as in the affection one has for children or very good friends have for each other.

Finally there is philia. Philia is the dispassionate friendship or affection. Aristotle distinguished philia from eros for the reason of separating passion and intimacy for loyalty and kinship.

It is these lesser celebrated forms of love that I would like to emphasize, and remind any reader of. Especially the forms of love involving friends. Friends are the family we choose, and to call someone friend demonstrates a level of trust and admiration that can be quite special between two people. Eros is, by nature, selfish. Because it is sexual and passionate, it is guided by that inner part of us that wants to create little versions of ourselves and want to keep the feelings to ourselves. It is the other relationships that have brought most meaning and the most memorable periods of my life. It is these relationships one can depend on and look forward to. They are relationships that we would like to share, and are not so directly attached to our basic biology. Maybe it is for these more selfless motives and dispassionate, diffuse relations that these forms are chronically underappreciated.

So here’s to you, friends. Happy Valentine’s Day.